grift certificates
by special request, we now have gift certificates. they are available in the following denominations: $5, $10, $20, and $23. a great gift idea, because winter holidays are all about subtly forcing your belief systems on other people in seemingly innocuous ways. the gift certificates come with all sorts of cool fake security stuff, like discrete paint splatters, watermarks, holograms, mirages, and semantic encoding. they look really good enough to frame, and maybe that’s what you should do, buy one (or more) and just frame it and never spend it. for a limited time they come in vintage griggs and browne pest control “pest of the month” envelopes, which also have “free gift enclosed” printed on them, which is funny when it’s a gift you’re giving someone. and you know what, you can even mail order them and i’ll mail them out to you to hand deliver or direct to the intended recipient.
well, shit.
$5
$10
$20
$23