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now closed! as in, no longer a business. working on the book…

PUNK PATCHES AND THE OTHER KIND

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Herbert Edgar Wyndham was born in Manchester, England. While a student at Oxford in the 1930s, took an interest in the work of heretical biologist Nathaniel Essex, and began experimenting with genetic manipulation, building a machine (that he called the genetic accelerator) with which he attempted to “evolve” the rats in his mother’s London basement. While attending a genetics conference in Geneva, Wyndham was approached by a mysterious man (in truth, the outcast Inhuman geneticist Phaeder) who handed to him papers containing blueprints for cracking the genetic code. With this information to bolster his experiments, Wyndham successfully developed a serum he dubbed “Isotope A.”

Although expelled from the university for his single-mindedness, he finally succeeded in evolving his pet Dalmatian, Dempsey, into a humanoid life form with the intelligence of a chimpanzee. Dempsey, unfortunately, was shot by poachers, and Wyndham realized that such creatures as he would create would have no place in the human world. In partnership with scientist Jonathan Drew (father of Jessica Drew), Wyndham moved his experiments to the seclusion of Wundagore Mountain in the small Balkan nation of Transia. Discovery of uranium on the land (inherited by Drew’s wife) provided vast funding, and they bought more land from local baron Gregor Russoff.

Assembling a “citadel of science” designed by German scientist Horace Grayson (father of the future Marvel Boy) and built by Moloid slaves supplied by Phaeder, the pair continued their experiment until Drew’s daughter fell ill from uranium poisoning, and was placed into suspended animation to save her life. Subsequently, Drew’s wife was attacked and killed by a werewolf (Russoff himself, victim of a family curse), and Drew left Wundagore; Wyndham, on the other hand, developed a suit of protective silver armor for himself and continued his work. Now joined in his work by research assistant Miles Warren (future supervillain the Jackal), Wyndham was able to make more and more radical breakthroughs, including the genetic acceleration of some local animals into the half-human, half-animal beings that he dubbed his “New Men”.

When Jonathan Drew returned to Wundagore, possessed by the ghost of the 6th century magician Magnus, he warned that the citadel had been constructed upon the place where the malevolent Elder God Chthon had been banished. He began to train the New Men in the ways of combat and chivalry of his time, until they eventually came to refer to themselves as the “Knights of Wundagore,” and to Wyndham as the “Lord High Evolutionary”. In 1958, Magnus’ fears came to pass when Baron Russoff attempted to use the ancient magical tome known as the Darkhold to cure himself of his lycanthropy, inadvertently freeing Chthon from imprisonment. The Knights held him off and Magnus was able to re-bind the demon; however, on this same night, a pregnant woman named Magda sought refuge at the citadel and gave birth to twin children there. Although she fled after childbirth, the moment of Chthon’s defeat coincided with the birth of the children, and the baby girl was touched with the demon’s magic. Wyndham attempted to find foster parents for the children, but when met with failure, they were placed in stasis for decades until suitable candidates were found. Raised by Gypsies Django and Marya Maximoff, the twins grew up to be the superheroes Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch, the latter wielding chaos magic as a result of Chthon’s influence.

high evolutionary.


posted to: crafts by jacob at 12:00 am

Chris Hart art opening ening

for immediate release!
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this friday HBML is proud to present a show of paintings by worcester’s own chris hart. chris is well-known as a member of unflagable crime-stopping and -starting family “the hart foundation”, but he is also a heavy painter in the shovel style. the paintings for this exhibit are the curated best from the top foot of an enormous back catalog, and are priced to sell in that pragmatic “let’s try to not bring them back to the basement” way.

at this opening, there will be nice food for once, not sugary garbage, and chris will be on hand to discuss which actor played the part of the riddler the best, and why.

this is friday, the 30th, and it’s from 5 to 8pm. you know that every single member of the hart family bats 1000 24 7, so you don’t even have to decide whether or not you want to come check this out, because you obviously do.

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pictures in this post do not contain “our” chris hart, or works by him, but they did show up in an image search for “chris hart“, so whatever.


posted to: art show, events by jacob at 1:42 pm

sold hat

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this hat was in the store for maybe 20 hours.

oh, also, does anyone have a marching band jacket? you know the kind. want list!


posted to: apparel, wantlist by jacob at 1:48 am

safe fun!

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this is a fun toy for children, handmade for us by the award-winning artist (and HBML volunteer) JJB Buckmaster. limited edition dude…
3 boxes for $5.


posted to: misc art, tiny, toys, trouble by jacob at 1:42 am

almost best of worcester 2008

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ok, it’s first runner up, but whatever. how “best antique store” and not “greatest eyesore” i have no idea, but read it and sleep. i met the lady that runs the number one, she is a nice lady i feel no ill will towards.


posted to: press, store news by jacob at 1:39 am

painting the shoppe

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this week me and sheryl-ann have been painting the inside of the store, an enourmous task once you consider how hard it usually is to even find the walls. anyway, now it should be more cave-like in the back, and more disorienting in the front. two out of the three noncontiguous areas we painted came out really great. the other one will have two or three layers of posters, drawings, and clothing on top of it, so really, a few drips and an uneven coat are no big deal. the next step is shelves everywhere everywhere of varying depthnesses, and then redoing the penrose tiling on the floor. which is to say, doing it the right way.

penrose tiling is a nonperiodic tiling generated by an aperiodic set of prototiles. here’s it wrong:

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when completed this will be really great, or am i the only person obsessed with the idea of nonperiodic floor tiling with no translational symmetry?


posted to: store news by jacob at 2:27 pm

HEY, TIGER

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hey everyone, this saturday at HBML there will be another cool silk screening day, WHEREIN you bring in a reasonably blank garment (and $5) and we screen an image of our choice onto it. this time around the image will be a kind of insane drawing of a tiger’s face. the face is fierce, with dripping teeth, the sort of thing you see right before you get your fucking face eaten the hell off by guess what guys? A TIGER. yes indeed, this tiger (the drawing of it) will really communicate to the world the idea “what i want i get and get = eat and eat = eat messy”. printed in black ink. it’s almost summer, can you believe it? FUCK IT UP

again, that’s this saturday, and the event is from 2pm to 5pm, and directions can be given to out of towners regarding the best comic book store, and also the vigilante chinese food vegan taoist restaurant with tiny children and also backrubs that you give the chef (which is open for dinner only).


posted to: events by jacob at 12:31 am

fork loathes

oh, in re: the foreclosure scare, the landlord gus was able to refinance, everything is “fine” aka “ok” for the foreseeable future. you guys ready for platinum summer?


posted to: store news by jacob at 10:18 pm

xander art show this tuesday

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the press release:

this tuesday is the 13th of may.

at HBML from 6 - 9 there will be an art show opening featuring xander marro, of the famous feminist perfomence troupe “the dirt palace” ( http://www.dirtpalace.org ). in addition to the display of works on paper, xander is making a special limited edition edition of bar soap for ready sale. there will also be snacks, probably hydrox cookies, and some sort of juice or soda or vegetable milk, and dvds will be playing in such a way that it is hard to pay attention to them. if you were to ask me what the artwork is going to look like, i would guess bonnets, spiderwebs, up-dos, poisoners, carnivals, dust, and 1890s mustaches. if the guy that fixed the plumbing last year is reading this, this is that lady whose fuzzy books you liked.

HBML is an all-ages establishment with enemies in the establishment, and as such, we ask that any wine you bring be cleverly disguised as something else, and if a child asks for a ssip, you say “i have a terrible cold”.

HBML is at 420 pleasant st worcester ma 01609.

you know, there’s been a lot of hullaballoo in the art world lately regarding the provinances of various bodily fluids used in certain high-profile works. to assuage the doubts of all private collectors and institutions, HBML independently verifies all artworks containing human genetic material. that means that every feces-adorned painting, every licked envelope, and every piss-doused crucifix comes with a bankable guarantee as to the identity of the donor, and their lifestyle, and what they ate previous to the act of creation. DO OTHER GALLERIES OFFER THIS GUARANTEE? no, they do not. WHY NOT? they say “it doesn’t matter”. huh. nice of them to decide for YOU what matters in YOUR LIFE, don’t you think?

also, a few boxes still remain of Mike Taylor’s groundbreaking art cereal “liberty hysteria cereal”, and will be on sale until totally sold or mouse-eaten. email back to reserve yours. each box is $15 and contains no less than five of mike t’s lugubrious arm hairs, each with a light patina of dr bronner’s and jittery mansweat.


posted to: art show, events by jacob at 10:03 pm
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