ONLINE CATALOG

did you ever find a t-shirt that was too big for you to wear regularly but it was so awesome that you got it anyway, thinking “there’s got to be a way”?

NOW, THERE IS!

this saturday at HBML my mother, louise berendes, will be offering her services as a tailor in the following limited way: if you bring a t-shirt that fits you perfectly, and a t-shirt that is too big, she will sew the larger t-shirt to the exact same size as the smaller shirt. this is no dig on the XL, XXL and 3XL crowd -the world is wide with many things within- just, if you want a nicely fitted t-shirt, and you have a shirt that’s too big, this is your avenue. also, my mom is fun.

sso like i said, this is *this* saturday, from 2 - 5pm, following which we rush over to billy blue’s 50th birthday party, aka the billy blue blues band birthday blowout backyard beer blast barbeque (aka “the BBBBBBBBBBBQ”), which is also the release party for the new terribles album “in congrefs”, and the terribles and the billy blue blues band will be playing, and i’ll be mixing some tapes inbetween maybe.

pretty punk pretty cool pretty punk pretty cool

oh yeah, and the t-shirt thing is going to cost money, i think we said $5?

also- my mom is going to do a real good job here and is going to bring her serger, which is a special sewing machine that you use for edging knit fabrics, and it has tiny oscillating knives on it. what i’m saying is that this is legit. HOWEVER, she would like me to make the following caveat: if the fittingness of the perfect shirt is dependent on the stretchiness or worn-outness of the fabric, the clone shirt will not be totally totally ” ‘perfect’ ” (double scare quotes!)– it will have the same dimensions but will press against your body in a slightly different way. but really, this is not a big deal, as t-shirts are all about the same stretchiness and we’re not talking about NASA precision anyway. what i’m saying is my mom made me say this and it’s really just not a big deal. OK.

oh, also, to do this operation, the perfect shirt and the too-large shirt need to both be not-on-your-body. so wear a third shirt, because i don’t want you strutting around the store topless showing off your tattoos, which the vomit-smelling-of guy who lives upstairs is always on the verge of doing, and i don’t want him to think that’s acceptable behavior.

uh, local newspapers please don’t reprint that last paragraph.