what the hell is this? and don’t say “imploring exploding butt hole” because I KNOW THAT. there appears to be nothing broken off of it, guys, i really have no idea. this thing makes everyone uncomfortable, it’s awesome.

we have a lot of clock radios at the shop, but this is easily the best one. if your alarm goes off and you want to keep sleeping, you can hit the long button in the front and an alien, narcotic ooze will bubble out of the top and all over your face. BUT if it goes off and it’s not harsh enough to really get you out of bed, you can press a different button and it starts playing music by LÄRM. cooooool…

this is a zine from our pal jim drain: famous artist (and art basel award winner), miami resident, hot tub lounger, kaleidoscope engineer, noisician, power knitter, and maker of good bad jokes in a quiet voice. it is printed in purple on purple paper, and is about weird feelings and colonialization, just like EVERYTHING ELSE :) . me and MT went down to florda early last winter to hang out with jim in a pretty crazy “art mall” where he helps run a gallery with naomi fischer, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!! jim donated a stack of these mags and other books, plus a bunch of he man toys, weird sponges, and some other stuff i’m not allowed to talk about, PLUS we got huge pizza slices in the fancy style and watched expensive people.

jim’s the blow-uppiest of all the fort thunder folks, but zines are still $3 and god bless any attendant mess.

oh yeah, and jim totally moved from providence to miami in the hopes of meeting iggy pop. he never said this explicitly but you know it’s totally true.

barnacled’s sax man jason mcgill uncovered a heretofore ununcovered box of these records during a spring cleaning fit, and had the dear heart to send us a few. i would describe this record as disgusting, slightly green, and translucent, with pukey orange splatter. additionally, it is pressed on colored vinyl.

genre: JAZZ.

here’s an mp3 from the band but not from the several inch: cloud pump. here’s a youtube of the band in action: barnacled - slappodrome.

did you ever find a t-shirt that was too big for you to wear regularly but it was so awesome that you got it anyway, thinking “there’s got to be a way”?

NOW, THERE IS!

this saturday at HBML my mother, louise berendes, will be offering her services as a tailor in the following limited way: if you bring a t-shirt that fits you perfectly, and a t-shirt that is too big, she will sew the larger t-shirt to the exact same size as the smaller shirt. this is no dig on the XL, XXL and 3XL crowd -the world is wide with many things within- just, if you want a nicely fitted t-shirt, and you have a shirt that’s too big, this is your avenue. also, my mom is fun.

sso like i said, this is *this* saturday, from 2 - 5pm, following which we rush over to billy blue’s 50th birthday party, aka the billy blue blues band birthday blowout backyard beer blast barbeque (aka “the BBBBBBBBBBBQ”), which is also the release party for the new terribles album “in congrefs”, and the terribles and the billy blue blues band will be playing, and i’ll be mixing some tapes inbetween maybe.

pretty punk pretty cool pretty punk pretty cool

oh yeah, and the t-shirt thing is going to cost money, i think we said $5?

also- my mom is going to do a real good job here and is going to bring her serger, which is a special sewing machine that you use for edging knit fabrics, and it has tiny oscillating knives on it. what i’m saying is that this is legit. HOWEVER, she would like me to make the following caveat: if the fittingness of the perfect shirt is dependent on the stretchiness or worn-outness of the fabric, the clone shirt will not be totally totally ” ‘perfect’ ” (double scare quotes!)– it will have the same dimensions but will press against your body in a slightly different way. but really, this is not a big deal, as t-shirts are all about the same stretchiness and we’re not talking about NASA precision anyway. what i’m saying is my mom made me say this and it’s really just not a big deal. OK.

oh, also, to do this operation, the perfect shirt and the too-large shirt need to both be not-on-your-body. so wear a third shirt, because i don’t want you strutting around the store topless showing off your tattoos, which the vomit-smelling-of guy who lives upstairs is always on the verge of doing, and i don’t want him to think that’s acceptable behavior.

uh, local newspapers please don’t reprint that last paragraph.

this is joe, he volunteered at the store one day while his mom ran errands, and when he left all the action figures were arranged such that they were either fighting or humping or standing with their hands outstretched touching each other directly and exactly on the tips of their noses. anyway, joe’s really into aloe, so i got a case of this aloe drink, which is good, and you can decide that it’s refreshing, but it has thick wads of aloe floating in it, and not many people allow the ideas “refreshing” and “chunky” to cohabitate a thought. but joe liked it, i like it. if you want some we have most of a case of it, it’s a dollar a can, the going rate.

HBML had lots of fun tabling at the crafts fair “start in the park” yesterday! here’s me and pogo flashing signals– heavy reppin w/ no half-steppin. more pictures after the cut–
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carolyn made this sign for the window, something she heard someone say once. to her, i think both a cat and a dog are beloved animals, so this is like “if it’s not a rainbow it’s a popsicle” or “if it’s not revenge of the nerds, it’s short circuit 2″. but me and carolyn are different people, i always read it as like in wild style where fab 5 freddy says, “they’re showing up at your spot, rocking your style, and they’re making bank on it? scooby doo…”. it’s like the part where he says “scooby doo”.

we miss you carolyn! i have no idea what i said on the phone the other day though, swamp thing was on, everything got out of hand. uh, rabbit rabbit!