ONLINE CATALOG

art opening this wednesday (tomorrow, september 3) from 7 - 9pm at HBML

ashleigh russell presents the best items forgotten in books of curious lore

ashleigh had a lousy job, hiding in a book depository like john wilkes booth, or that other guy, riffling through pages to remove foreign objects before they sold on the internet. well like i said the job sucked, she quit, and now the cream of the crop of foreign objects will be on display at HBML diabolical/angelical junk shoppe, for three weeks, starting tomorrow at 7pm, with cookies and perhaps tea available.

items include photos, notes, profanity, sublimity, stuff like that. what might be titled “memorabilia”, if the thing they had in common was that they were remembered, but in fact the opposite is true.

wednesday night come out and hang and mingle. i’ve been reading a scholarly treatise on profane folklore entitled “the rationale of the dirty joke”. watch me fight tooth and nail with my own id to refrain from starting sentences with “as an englishman was heard to remark on his wedding night…” or similar constructions.

i will also be displaying a new line of semi-durable plastic toys, which will be for sale.

interested in volunteering? let’s talk!

da press release:

hey!
this saturday HBML radical junk shoppe / fake gallery / noise universe will be hosting one of it’s acclaimed silk screening events WHEREIN you, a participant, bring in a garment, flag, or burial shroud, and we apply directly and permanently an image of our predetermined choice WHILE U WAIT. this saturday from 2 to 5, the image is going to be a massive drawing of an owl.

viewed as an emblem of knowledge and erudition, also a harbinger of death, the owl is the mascot of grey-eyed athena, warrior goddess of philosophy, strategy, and metal work, and inventor of the olive. i have no idea why, but people ask all the time whether we sell anything with owls on it, outshining by orders of magnitude the next most
popular requests, which are in order: jesus, popeye, tweety bird. there’s a thoreau quote on the popularity of owls… let’s see… “Let them do the idiotic and maniacal hooting for men. It is a sound admirably suited to swamps and twilight woods which no day illustrates, suggesting a vast and underdeveloped nature which [humanity] has not recognized”. i guess that goes for jesus, popeye, and tweety bird as well.

anyway, it’s this saturday (the 30th) from 2 to 5, it costs $5 per print. if you don’t want the owl screened on a clothing item, we can screen a massive sticker for you, big enough to really piss someone off. we’re also having a massive clothing sale, most items $1 minimum donation. there will also be free coffee.

HBML is at 420 pleasant st worcester ma 01609

famous painter and interior decorator gary panter raves “[HBML] sounds neat!”
acclaimed 21st century novelist dave eggers says “[HBML] [is] OK.”

directions can be given from the shop to the super-delicious verycheap bootleg vegan chinese underground (shadow economy) restaurant DUCK YAO.

if you’ve been meaning to come to the shoppe, now’s a great time, as we totally don’t have any money, or anyway not enough for next month’s rent, not nearly. please, tell your pals!

also, in re: the cosby show idea, we have put filming on hold until october, when it’s do or die and we have to finish for sure, before november’s scheduled “JFK days”.

not a lie from my mouth

jacob
hbml
hbml.org

ps- saturday’s design will also feature jesus, popeye, and tweety bird, but really tiny.

oh yah, and we’re doing two screens- one with black ink, one with white ink, so bring whatever the hell color damn shirt you f-word want!

filming of our now-epic “cosby show idea” continues tomorrow (friday) and saturday, and probably next week too. in case you haven’t heard, this post has more information. so far we are a third of the way done with filming, and it’s really going really really good. like, surpassing goofy and going all the way to profound. i know that people out there are timid about being in a video, no one wants this to be another “superbowl shuffle”. well gang, this is some straight-up “we are the world”. come on down- be bruce for once!

ok, so we had to call the first day of shooting (wednesday) a wash, because our green screen was pretttttttty busted, but that’s ok because only sarah a showed up (and mike benedetti and jbruce, but they don’t count). yesterday (thursday) morning i went out and got “the good paint” and turned the back room into a nice little studio, and everything came together. lots of people showed up and we got a good ways into the episode. well, almost past the first scene. i’ve watched the dailies, it’s hilarious. today from 4 to 8, saturday 2 to 5, come on down!!!!!!!

we’ve decided on an episode to do for this week’s “cosby show idea” event. we were limited to the first season, because that’s all the video store had BUT WHATEVER. the episode we picked is “cliff’s birthday”, from the end of the first season. here’s a clip from the end of the episode, featuring special guest lena horne (also pictured above):
embedding disabled by request

now, the entire show will be re-enacted, but this exact section only will be lip synced. ms horne makes some pretty amazing faces, so be sure to practice in the mirror first!

uh, here’s another picture of lena horne, but itdoesn’t have anything to do with the task at hand, it’s just for daily inspiration:

all this week at HBML, we will be filming an episode of the emmy award winning show “the cosby show”, and we invite you to come down and star in it.

anyone that shows up will be asked to don a costume, memorize one line of dialogue, and perform it for our cameras. for logistical reasons you will not be able to select your line, you just get the next available line. in this way we will re-enact an entire episode from start to finish. editing will be done the following week, with a premiere showing on friday the 15th. soon after that it will be available to watch on the internet.

this is happening wed thursday friday between the hours of 5 and 8, and saturday from 2 to 5. if we don’t get it finished we will continue into next week. if we finish early, i don’t know. maybe we’ll film some commercials, or, um, 2001 a space odyssey.

this saturday from 2 to 5 it’s another silk screening day at HBML junk shoppe. bring a garment and we will print on it a design of our choosing, and this week we choose a design based on the idea ‘DINOSAURS”. if you love dinosaurs, and you love to think about them stomping around, eating things, evolving into birds, and so forth, well the path is clear- make your time. right now it’s a toss-up exactly what the image will be, but what it will not be is goofy- it will be one or more dinosaurs rendered with as much precision as i’m available for. magestic and proud; fierce or possibly ambivalent; in black ink. the price is ssteady at $5 per. i will have a fabric marker, if you want me to write a swear word on the garment, that’s free. and we will have cold canned coffee for sale, a summer treat.

this saturday from 2 - 5, HBML is doing another awesome silk screening day. what this means is that you bring in a garment and we silkscreen a special image directly onto it WHILE-U-WAIT for the lo lo price of $5 per garm. the last time we did this it was massive, and tons of people left satisfied with snarling tigers emblazoned on their frocks, tunics, brazilian-cut jeans, skorts, kaftans, bomber jackets, aprons, union suits, sleeveless turtlenecks, ball gowns, muumuus, princess shirts, etc.. this week we have two designs, one of which will be printed in white ink, one of which will be printed in black. the designs are the CRASS logo, and the PUBLIC ENEMY logo. both of these circular logos will be sized for t-shirts, so between 8 and 12 inches in diameter– what i’m saying is, if you want to print onto a bikini or underpant, the design will be cut off, which maybe is fine, or maybe you have a big butt, which is a blessing unto the earth and heaven.

even though you really want to print one on top of the other, i think that actually might not actually totally work out great. the ink takes about a half hour to dry, so plan on doing some shopping around, or take a jaunt to the comic book store down the street (still new england’s best), or go browse the totally incredible fabrics at the african clothing shop a block away, or just sit on the bench out front eating tabouli LIKE A CHAMP.

from now until the singularity 10% off all purchases for anyone wearing short sleeves, gloves, knickerbockers, high socks, a sideways baseball hat, carrying a cane and eating a carrot.

did you ever find a t-shirt that was too big for you to wear regularly but it was so awesome that you got it anyway, thinking “there’s got to be a way”?

NOW, THERE IS!

this saturday at HBML my mother, louise berendes, will be offering her services as a tailor in the following limited way: if you bring a t-shirt that fits you perfectly, and a t-shirt that is too big, she will sew the larger t-shirt to the exact same size as the smaller shirt. this is no dig on the XL, XXL and 3XL crowd -the world is wide with many things within- just, if you want a nicely fitted t-shirt, and you have a shirt that’s too big, this is your avenue. also, my mom is fun.

sso like i said, this is *this* saturday, from 2 - 5pm, following which we rush over to billy blue’s 50th birthday party, aka the billy blue blues band birthday blowout backyard beer blast barbeque (aka “the BBBBBBBBBBBQ”), which is also the release party for the new terribles album “in congrefs”, and the terribles and the billy blue blues band will be playing, and i’ll be mixing some tapes inbetween maybe.

pretty punk pretty cool pretty punk pretty cool

oh yeah, and the t-shirt thing is going to cost money, i think we said $5?

also- my mom is going to do a real good job here and is going to bring her serger, which is a special sewing machine that you use for edging knit fabrics, and it has tiny oscillating knives on it. what i’m saying is that this is legit. HOWEVER, she would like me to make the following caveat: if the fittingness of the perfect shirt is dependent on the stretchiness or worn-outness of the fabric, the clone shirt will not be totally totally ” ‘perfect’ ” (double scare quotes!)– it will have the same dimensions but will press against your body in a slightly different way. but really, this is not a big deal, as t-shirts are all about the same stretchiness and we’re not talking about NASA precision anyway. what i’m saying is my mom made me say this and it’s really just not a big deal. OK.

oh, also, to do this operation, the perfect shirt and the too-large shirt need to both be not-on-your-body. so wear a third shirt, because i don’t want you strutting around the store topless showing off your tattoos, which the vomit-smelling-of guy who lives upstairs is always on the verge of doing, and i don’t want him to think that’s acceptable behavior.

uh, local newspapers please don’t reprint that last paragraph.

for immediate release!

this friday HBML is proud to present a show of paintings by worcester’s own chris hart. chris is well-known as a member of unflagable crime-stopping and -starting family “the hart foundation”, but he is also a heavy painter in the shovel style. the paintings for this exhibit are the curated best from the top foot of an enormous back catalog, and are priced to sell in that pragmatic “let’s try to not bring them back to the basement” way.

at this opening, there will be nice food for once, not sugary garbage, and chris will be on hand to discuss which actor played the part of the riddler the best, and why.

this is friday, the 30th, and it’s from 5 to 8pm. you know that every single member of the hart family bats 1000 24 7, so you don’t even have to decide whether or not you want to come check this out, because you obviously do.

pictures in this post do not contain “our” chris hart, or works by him, but they did show up in an image search for “chris hart“, so whatever.