did you ever find a t-shirt that was too big for you to wear regularly but it was so awesome that you got it anyway, thinking “there’s got to be a way”?

NOW, THERE IS!

this saturday at HBML my mother, louise berendes, will be offering her services as a tailor in the following limited way: if you bring a t-shirt that fits you perfectly, and a t-shirt that is too big, she will sew the larger t-shirt to the exact same size as the smaller shirt. this is no dig on the XL, XXL and 3XL crowd -the world is wide with many things within- just, if you want a nicely fitted t-shirt, and you have a shirt that’s too big, this is your avenue. also, my mom is fun.

sso like i said, this is *this* saturday, from 2 - 5pm, following which we rush over to billy blue’s 50th birthday party, aka the billy blue blues band birthday blowout backyard beer blast barbeque (aka “the BBBBBBBBBBBQ”), which is also the release party for the new terribles album “in congrefs”, and the terribles and the billy blue blues band will be playing, and i’ll be mixing some tapes inbetween maybe.

pretty punk pretty cool pretty punk pretty cool

oh yeah, and the t-shirt thing is going to cost money, i think we said $5?

also- my mom is going to do a real good job here and is going to bring her serger, which is a special sewing machine that you use for edging knit fabrics, and it has tiny oscillating knives on it. what i’m saying is that this is legit. HOWEVER, she would like me to make the following caveat: if the fittingness of the perfect shirt is dependent on the stretchiness or worn-outness of the fabric, the clone shirt will not be totally totally ” ‘perfect’ ” (double scare quotes!)– it will have the same dimensions but will press against your body in a slightly different way. but really, this is not a big deal, as t-shirts are all about the same stretchiness and we’re not talking about NASA precision anyway. what i’m saying is my mom made me say this and it’s really just not a big deal. OK.

oh, also, to do this operation, the perfect shirt and the too-large shirt need to both be not-on-your-body. so wear a third shirt, because i don’t want you strutting around the store topless showing off your tattoos, which the vomit-smelling-of guy who lives upstairs is always on the verge of doing, and i don’t want him to think that’s acceptable behavior.

uh, local newspapers please don’t reprint that last paragraph.

for immediate release!

this friday HBML is proud to present a show of paintings by worcester’s own chris hart. chris is well-known as a member of unflagable crime-stopping and -starting family “the hart foundation”, but he is also a heavy painter in the shovel style. the paintings for this exhibit are the curated best from the top foot of an enormous back catalog, and are priced to sell in that pragmatic “let’s try to not bring them back to the basement” way.

at this opening, there will be nice food for once, not sugary garbage, and chris will be on hand to discuss which actor played the part of the riddler the best, and why.

this is friday, the 30th, and it’s from 5 to 8pm. you know that every single member of the hart family bats 1000 24 7, so you don’t even have to decide whether or not you want to come check this out, because you obviously do.

pictures in this post do not contain “our” chris hart, or works by him, but they did show up in an image search for “chris hart“, so whatever.

hey everyone, this saturday at HBML there will be another cool silk screening day, WHEREIN you bring in a reasonably blank garment (and $5) and we screen an image of our choice onto it. this time around the image will be a kind of insane drawing of a tiger’s face. the face is fierce, with dripping teeth, the sort of thing you see right before you get your fucking face eaten the hell off by guess what guys? A TIGER. yes indeed, this tiger (the drawing of it) will really communicate to the world the idea “what i want i get and get = eat and eat = eat messy”. printed in black ink. it’s almost summer, can you believe it? FUCK IT UP

again, that’s this saturday, and the event is from 2pm to 5pm, and directions can be given to out of towners regarding the best comic book store, and also the vigilante chinese food vegan taoist restaurant with tiny children and also backrubs that you give the chef (which is open for dinner only).

the press release:

this tuesday is the 13th of may.

at HBML from 6 - 9 there will be an art show opening featuring xander marro, of the famous feminist perfomence troupe “the dirt palace” ( http://www.dirtpalace.org ). in addition to the display of works on paper, xander is making a special limited edition edition of bar soap for ready sale. there will also be snacks, probably hydrox cookies, and some sort of juice or soda or vegetable milk, and dvds will be playing in such a way that it is hard to pay attention to them. if you were to ask me what the artwork is going to look like, i would guess bonnets, spiderwebs, up-dos, poisoners, carnivals, dust, and 1890s mustaches. if the guy that fixed the plumbing last year is reading this, this is that lady whose fuzzy books you liked.

HBML is an all-ages establishment with enemies in the establishment, and as such, we ask that any wine you bring be cleverly disguised as something else, and if a child asks for a ssip, you say “i have a terrible cold”.

HBML is at 420 pleasant st worcester ma 01609.

you know, there’s been a lot of hullaballoo in the art world lately regarding the provinances of various bodily fluids used in certain high-profile works. to assuage the doubts of all private collectors and institutions, HBML independently verifies all artworks containing human genetic material. that means that every feces-adorned painting, every licked envelope, and every piss-doused crucifix comes with a bankable guarantee as to the identity of the donor, and their lifestyle, and what they ate previous to the act of creation. DO OTHER GALLERIES OFFER THIS GUARANTEE? no, they do not. WHY NOT? they say “it doesn’t matter”. huh. nice of them to decide for YOU what matters in YOUR LIFE, don’t you think?

also, a few boxes still remain of Mike Taylor’s groundbreaking art cereal “liberty hysteria cereal”, and will be on sale until totally sold or mouse-eaten. email back to reserve yours. each box is $15 and contains no less than five of mike t’s lugubrious arm hairs, each with a light patina of dr bronner’s and jittery mansweat.

this friday at HBML is the art opening for INNER BLIGHT, a show of screen prints, drawings, paintings, and cereal, by mike “empty mountain” taylor.

mike is a greatly accomplished artist in a variety of fields, be it his work with adult contemporary hardcore bands like FLAWS and HALO PERFECTO, his years as the default illustrator for the record label / dishwasher hospice CORLEONE, or his numerous attempts to get fired from his position as columnist for the magazine MAXIMUMROCKANDROLL. he also still writes fanzines (SCENERY), and has religious knuckle tattoos. oh, and he made those “space torch” posters for the HBML rent club a year ago. anyway, this friday from 5 to 8pm is the opening for his art show (at HBML), featuring posters, drawings, paintings, and cereal boxes. it’s going to be really awesome, possibly with still-wet paint, and mike is a great person to meet and talk to about things or just saying “hi”. rip into spring!

big ups to everyone that chimed in w/r/t the foreclosure, or passed along my questions to more knowledgeable folks. it’s a fine warmth to hear your armies auto-assemble at the faintest rattling of sabers. anyway i’m calling around, get my options straightened out, and examining back-up plans. but for now (and, for what it’s worth, for always) it’s still full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes, and damn everything but the circus. although i did capitulate to my money manager, and i set up a little donation page– tuck into it if you’re so inclined.

anyway this friday come what may there’s going to be a great art show opening at the shop— western mass spell-caster joshua vrysen, aka tumble cat poof poofy poof, will display his precise line of sparse mythological forms in a series of drawings entitled “wheel of doom / we love doom”. the exhibition will also include a new zine / show catalog, and a limited edition bandana designed by joshua and printed by us. it’s this friday from 5 to 8, with snacks and beverages, and milling about, and shaking hands with each other, or being like “come on, we hug”. all welcome. fingers crossed this event will appear in the worcester magazine and the wine crowd will come.

blllllaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr

this saturday at HBML there’s another nice silk screening day WHEREBY you bring in a garment and we silk screen an image onto it WHILE U WAIT. a few weeks ago we did an angler fish, with glowing LED attatchment (mine is still glowing). it ruled so hard. for this week’s silk screening, we are trying something really different. in honor of spring (which started either thursday or friday) our image will be a traditional japanese design of falling cherry blossoms.

i don’t know how many of you out there saw the samurai exhibit at the worcester art museum a few years ago, but it made a big impact on me- everyone wore lots of garishly colored, heavily patterned clothing in clashing layers, and all the patterns had some sort of meaning. the cherry blossom, in life, blooms suddenly and spectacularly, then falls to the ground. to the samurai, this signified the brilliant and transitory nature of life, and the ability to act in accord with one’s nature at all times, but especially at tense, crucial moments. i say
fuck yeah.

this will be a reverse image, which is to say, we are printing (in black) the negative space around the cherry blossoms, leaving the blossoms to be whatever color the shirt is. the design is pretty plain, it’s just a field of falling blossoms, evenly though irregularly scattered, and without any orientation. i think it might be nice to bring in a colorful or patterned garment, even something with a picture or a large stain, and put the design right on top. be creative!

this event is saturday (today) the 22rd, from 2 - 5, and prints are $5.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sakura

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushido

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n70/sweetcryssy/sakura_hp_prod_shots_design1.gif

yes, this flyer (click for larger) is based off a picture from FRUiTs, the book (moreso than the magazine) that jumpstarted the street fashion scene (not to say that people didn’t dress crazy before the book, but it certainly inspired a LOT of people to do so). i don’t need to go into any detail about it, it rules.

march 8th we’re having a fashion shoot at the store: we will have lots of great clothes (way more than we have had previously), a stylist on hand, someone saying “that is YOU”, carrot sticks, hot lights, and a real fashion photographer saying “WORK IT”. bring your ass.

this friday the 18th of january, HBML is having an art opening featuring paintings by worcester artiste seah chickering-burchesky. we will be also be selling aloe juice and eating saltines. the event is from 5 to 8.

this saturday (the 12th) from 2 to 5, we’re doing another silk screening day at the store, which is an event in which you bring in a clothing item (or buy something at the shop) and we silk screen the day’s image on it. saturday the image is going to be a drawing of the (or a) mighty coyote, scavenger, trickster, wild dog. we will be using black ink, so bring in something light in color. if you’re just bringing in fabric for a back patch or something, bring something at least a foot wide and a foot and a half tall (just to be safe). and give me your suggestions for what the next image should be! and no, i’m not interested in repeating past designs (a zombie, godzilla, roy orbison, the crimson ghost).

and yes, i realize that this is the second coyote backpatch design we’ve made. so what.