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love this guy!

oh, buddy…
the toys in the box are really awesome. they are so awesome i wanted to just buy all of them for myself right away, but instead i sat down and stared at each one individually for a minute each, taking in all the details. really really great toys. as of this post, there are still some left.

this is a fun toy for children, handmade for us by the award-winning artist (and HBML volunteer) JJB Buckmaster. limited edition dude…
3 boxes for $5.

next time you say “with bells on”, why not try it? real bells! these tiny fellas are neat, petite, and oh so sweet. we buy them direct from a secret source of prayer and discounted warehouse selection. also good to tie around a cat’s neck to protect songbirds.

ok, the pinball machine doesn’t work (but it’s close to working (right, sabatinelli?)). and the candy machine i slightly ruined by putting in things i like that i know other people don’t like (hoping they’ll give them to me). so in addition to runts, mike and ikes, hot tamales, and lemonheads, there’s black jellybeans and wasabi peas. that’s cool, right? lots of people don’t know what wasabi peas are, and ask if there is mold on them, so i wrote “it isn’t mold” on the machine, but this grosses people out even more i think. what are you gonna do?

whiteout style on a homerun sundae collection.

mad plastic hats for tiny players - $.75
you seriously can’t wear these hats unless your head is the size of two scoops of ice cream (your choice flavor).

full gallery after the cut, except i sold the san diego padres “punk’S not Dead” before i could take a picture of it.
(more info…)

this is a pretty good example of the sort of “cheap laffs” we enjoy- a simple premise elevated by flawed reasoning and poor execution to the level of total sweaty-eyed wishing wanting searching, with good packaging. reason enough to feature this item on the website, but not, and i am hesitant to say this, not the reason this item is hanging on our store wall. this tiny package is there so that one day someone will say to us “rubber nuts?”, and we will respond classically, in the manner of statesmen, princes, pharaohs, and other creeps, back through history, and all the way backwards to infinity, then through infinity, and from the end of everything back to now. there is a view of time which is centered around the actor– larry bird shit-talking as usual, larry bird steals the ball, bird with the three; there is also a version of time (proposed by borges) which is centered around the action- magic johnson is spud webb is dee brown is larry johnson is vince carter… sssssslam d-d-d-d-d-dunk. it is in this manner that i will most assuredly become shakespeare, cervantes, homer, proust, dickinson, baldwin, lao tzu, dante, borges himself, and a host of others, upon immediate receipt of this legendary verbal exchange.

rubber nuts - $.75

did you guys see any of those leprechaun movies? i did. i saw all six of them, in order, over a three-week span with my friend melissa number one. i’m not about to say any given movie was better than, oh, i don’t know, hiroshima mon amour. but i definitely had a good time. some notes:

• the leprechaun’s powers change in every movie, and they change by orders of magnitude- in some he can alter reality and transmute the elements, in some he’s just really mean. at first this made me mad, then i was into it.
• leprechuan 3 (or maybe 2) has this part where the leprechaun can marry this pretty lady if she sneezes three times and no one says “god bless you”. i don’t know, this really creeped me out.
• leprechaun 4 (leprechaun in space) i liked because it seems like a generic space monster movie in which they decided to make the monster a leprechaun. but nobody in the film even knows anything about leprechauns, so it’s not ridiculous to them. there’s no explanation of what a leprechaun is doing on mars (or wherever they are). ok, i don’t remember a lot about this movie, but i do remember that he has a laser shillelagh, and no one (not even the leprechaun) says “laser shillelagh”. if you had that, why would you sleep on it so bad?
• there are two movies in the series that take place “in tha hood” (those being leprechaun 5: leprechaunz in tha hood” and “leprechaun: back 2 tha hood”). you might think that “return” is going to be a lot better, because it has coolio in it, but really, coolio only walks by in the background, he could have even not realized he was being filmed. also, “return” doesn’t have the leprechaun smoking a blunt with four-leaf clovers in it, getting trapped in a safe and saying “from the depths of hell i call thee, me zombie fly-girls”. or… maybe it does. sorry, can’t remember!

in any event, these little baskets might work to trap a leprechuan, but i can’t guarantee that. in fact, i really doubt it- as far as i can tell the faerie folk always come out on top. anyway the traps will definitely work to make you feel a little safer against impending leprechaun attacks, assuming you either 1), didn’t read this paragraph or 2), had you mind erased after doing so.

leprechaun entrapments $.50

warwick davis on imdb.com

mind eraser:

• 2 oz Vodka

• 2 oz Kahlua
• 2 oz Tonic water

in a rocks glass pour vodka, the Kahlua and then the tonic water. Serve with a straw.

we got a lot of dice, in a variety of colors, and immediately following their acquisition, i just got really into it (”it” = the idea “dice”). craps is great if you’re a gambler and into clichés (which i am), hot dice is a real good “stuck somewhere” kind of game, and the weed-smoking variant, “zonk” also seems pretty good– though i’ve never played it (true), the zonk wikipedia entry is really good, a great intersection of “stoner” and “nerd” archetypes (not to say such crossovers don’t frequently occur). special big up to meredith “li’l dice” gaydosh, who isn’t a nerd or a stoner but likes stoop games and who i like and who wish i was hanging out with *right now*. dice- $.25